The Infertility Cyclone (Monday)

So yesterday my husband looked at the weather report online as we planned our day: "Hm it's supposed to rain on and off in the morning with possible thunderstorms in the afternoon." When there's a forecast of nice weather we usually plan something outdoors like a park. Pretty and cheap.

When it's looking lousy, we'll run errands...maybe the supermarket... or maybe a museum... interesting and cheap.

I'm not a big shopper. In fact, I hate shopping. Food shopping I dislike. Clothes shopping I despise. Maybe if I ever could afford shopping somewhere but a Super-Mart with their square clothes (any of you have a square body?) with weird colors and crappy material I would hate it less.

Once my father-in-law was visiting and it was a beautiful sunshiny day. As my husband and I debated where we should spend the afternoon my father-in-law chimed in:

"You're better off at a mall."

I can't think of any circumstance in life where that phrase would be true.

I'd rather be at the movies, a ballgame or for that matter, in the emergency room having any part of me re-attached, than be at a mall. 

So yesterday my husband and I were in this phone store about twenty miles from our house ... when a tornado hit.  And I give you one guess in what type of building this phone store was located.

You would have thought somewhere between "intermittent showers" and "possible thunderstorms" some weather forecaster somewhere in the area would have thrown in the word "tornado" just for fun.   

So naturally my first thought is: "Fk I'm going to die in a mall."

If I knew of a strip club nearby I would have tried to drive over there as fast as I could, undressing all the way and dousing myself with glitter that I stole from Claire's,  just so my body could be found on the stage instead of under a "Cinnabon" sign.    

I figured my husband and I could make due with what we had:  Grab lotion from Bath and Body Works , shove a five dollar bill in the massage chair and die mid rub. Well, we probably wouldn't die---just end up soft and smelling nice,  in a tree in the next county. 

It was quite an ugly scene at the mall. (And not just your usual ugly scene of obnoxious teenagers walking into you, random children walking into you and oblivious adults on their cell phones walking into you)

There were people panicking, running around screaming not knowing what to do or where to turn.

Having no idea if disaster would strike in the next five minutes or it would all blow over and everything would be just fine.

I thought to myself: "Whether they know it or not....These people are taking a crash course in "What it's like to be Infertile".'s not a bad weather report. It's not a cloudy day. It's not intermittent showers... It's a fricken tornado.

And that's what we'll be discussing all this week here at Laughing IS Conceivable.

Listen, I gotta go. My stuffed cat is still stuck on the roof and I have to get her down before she mildews.

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.