The Infertility Cyclone (Thursday)

(Start with "Monday" if you can. It's only fitting to read this blog during Holy week. Okay, I'm not exactly sure why yet either. Maybe to deal with the more ridiculous Easter bonnets?) And if you don't mind being caught one more day a week in my Laughing IS Conceivable cyclone, please subscribe to receive blog offers, updates, and insider info.

And today, if you're available at 11AM PST/2PM EST, and would like to hear my annoying voice instead of just reading it, I'll be a guest on Voice America's: The Surrogacy Lawyer. Please log on...It's about using humor and creativity to get through infertility. It's a live show...Yeah, I'm thinking that might not be a good idea either.

 To quote Lou Grant on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. "Mary, you know what happens when I can't swear? It cuts my vocabulary in half."

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. My husband and I stuck at a mall during a tornado the other day and how it brought back a lot of fertile infertility memories. 

So, I'll admit, at first we really didn't process that there was a tornado heading our way. I was just pleased that the store I went into had emptied out.

I really didn't question why a dozen people stormed past me. I was just happy to shop for once without anybody elbowing my rack. (Take it anyway you like.)

Yeah, I heard the emergency weather service alarms going off. I didn't give them a second thought. I just assumed it was either the french fry frier at the McDonald's in the Food Court or the usual alarm that goes off in my head at the mall. "You're turning into one of the suburban clone wives...get out! Get out now!"

When my husband and I finally came to..."Oh yeah, duh, ...tornado"... we looked at the hoard of shoppers who were freaking out- running towards the doors, running away from the doors, crouching under things... then I looked at him and said:

"Clearly these people have never experienced infertility."

Infertility: The tornado that lasts... forever. Whether it be a month or a year or ten years... It's forever.  

Having never been in a tornado before, my husband and I were still, somehow experts.  People ran for cover. That frier alarm still fresh in my mind, we sauntered over to the food court. When in doubt, go for a nosh.

What a sight. Never in my life have I seen the employees at that McDonald's move that fast. The Chik-Fil-A cow took off. It was a one-cow stampede.

The perfume spray girls ran out of Macy's, test bottles still in hand, ...Spritzing all the way. It was like fruity tear gas.   

I walked over to Subway where they always give you just one napkin with your purchase, to grab a stack from over the counter.  Who was going to stop me? They'd all jumped ship. Clearly nobody was prepared to go down with the 5 dollar menu.

We did the Food Court Crawl. A buffet of Japanese, Chinese, Mexican, Pizza. We gobbled up everything on the samples left on the counters in the confusion and then built a little village at our table with the toothpicks. I've never enjoyed the mall more.

When things settled down and the sun shone once again through the sky light... we went home.      

Undoubtedly knick-knacks are already being mass produced that say: 

"I Survived The Tornado Of 2011."

Big deal. "I Survived Infertility 2005." Where the hell's my T-shirt?

Listen, I gotta go. It's a long weekend coming up. No Good Friday or Easter dinner for us. Just matzoh as far as the eye can see.

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow. (I will be blogging tomorrow so please return if you can.)