The Infertility Ditch. I've been in it many times. In fact, for a while, I spent so much time down there, I furnished it. Some people have a beach house. I had my infertility ditch. At some point between the diagnosis of infertility and the final resolution, we all drive ourselves into the infertility ditch. Some of us back out of it faster than others. Some of us drive ourselves in and out of it, in and out of it, in and out of it, over and over again the whole time.
This Way to the Infertility Ditch aka a Game of Word Association Gone Terribly Wrong
During this time of your life, there's virtually no happy, blissful, glorious thought that doesn't have the potential to quickly devolve and deteriorate, or if you prefer, crash and burn into the dark, dank, ditch of infertility.
"Beach"...............(blissfully happy thought) "Oh, it's a warm beautiful day (so happy), I'll dig my toes into the sand (blissfully happy), I'll lie on my blanket (so happy) and read my book: '1200 Reasons Why Women Don't Get Pregnant'" (and here we go).
"Of course, I've gained some weight since I started my treatments so I'll have to wear a one-piece bathing suit.... (good old-fashioned self-pity) and maybe just lie under the blanket..." (meeting up with good old-fashioned self-loathing)
"And I can't go into the water. I don't want to get any of the ocean into my uterus." (Mental state in as bad shape as emotional state. Going downhill fast.)
"When it comes time to do the IUI, my husband's sperm might get all confused and swim towards Japan." (sirens in the background. Jaws of life en route to the ditch.)
Romance in the Infertility Ditch aka And Sometimes the Infertility Ditch is an Embankment aka Another Game of Word Association Gone Terribly Wrong
"Moonlit Stroll"........."It will be so nice. Just the two of us... Walking hand-in-hand with the one I love (humming Neil Sedaka tunes). Then maybe he'll sneak a kiss. (plummet alert)... And then he'll want more. We'll both want more. But we can't have more. The egg retrieval is not until Tuesday. If he empties out now, there will be nothing left for Tuesday. I have this image of him filling up as slowly as the water in our toilet. Call it 'woman's intuition.'" (or "mental breakdown")
"He says I'm wrong. How does he know anyway?! Does he have a gauge somewhere on him that I'm unaware of that has an arrow pointing to "F"?! I can't take that chance." (Fasten your seat belts: It's going to be a bumpy night.)
"And why does he even want to touch me anyway?! I'm not attractive right now. I've gained weight. I'm a little stressed out!..." (Residents from nearby homes run in the direction of the ditch---Extinguishers in hand. Sirens in the background coming with the jaws of life. Luckily there was another infertile couple just down the road and they were still in the neighborhood.)
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