The Infertility Superbowl: Wanna Bet I'll Get Pregnant? (Tuesday)

(Start with "Monday" if you can. I was running a little behind schedule yesterday. I posted it about an hour ago.... And... If you can tolerate me at all, consider becoming a subscriber. You'll get some extra info and background on each week's posts. My blog is like M & M's. Nobody can stop at just five.) So, what were we talking about? Oh right. In honor of the Superbowl, we're discussing the similarities between football and infertility. Besides that they both can take the sex out of your life and the life out of your sex... if you let them. Okay, so I admit it. I'm a football addict and I'm using the excuse of the Superbowl to wipe some of my addiction off on my readers. Those people who stand outside of their office building in three degree weather, six times a day, shivering and huddling, smoking a cigarette... I believe I understand them a bit better now.   Hey, did someone say "huddling"? 

The most obvious relationship between football and infertility is "The Goal". If you don't get a touchdown, you didn't reach your goal. You went down the whole length of the field for nothing. Same with infertility. You want to get pregnant. If you went for all the blood tests and all the treatments and all the appointments and you didn't get pregnant, you went down that long journey for nothing.

But in football you have a field goal. You have a chance to at least earn some points. Okay you didn't get to the ultimate goal of getting a touchdown. But, okay, a field goal, three points, not a bad consolation prize. Why are there no field goals in infertility damn it? I mean, the risk of fertility treatments is having multiples. So, okay, oh well, you didn't get pregnant with four fell short..okay, consolation just have one!! Okay, we'll deal with that!!     

One consolation prize-sort of-- we talked about last week: The IVF refund program. Sure you pay for a few IVF cycles up front ...But if they don't work out you get some money back. Okay, that's not what you really set out to do. Nobody's ever like: "Woo Hoo let's sign up for IVF, I don't care if I get pregnant...I'll get some money back! will be like a second tax refund!!"

But, how many things in life, if they don't work out, are you able to recoup some of your cash? "Hi I'd like to be part of your "Movie Experience Refund Program". You know, if I hate the film, I get four dollars back. This film features the cast of The Jersey Shore? Oh Gd, I didn't realize that. Can I just have the money now to save time? I promise I'll put it towards popcorn."


"Hi, I know I paid $72 for my football ticket. But my team got beaten to a pulp. The game really wasn't enjoyable. Ask anyone. I held a little impromptu meeting with the other fifty-seven thousand fans and we'd all like some of our money back please. No, not a free ticket to another game. I mean, that's very generous of you but your missing the point. The team really sucks this year. How is forcing us to attend another game going to make anyone feel better?

Listen, I gotta go. I'm extremely depressed and I'm having tremors. Nothing to worry about. This happens to me every February... when football season is completely and utterly over. 

I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.