This Halloween: Bewaaare of Idiots

(If you haven't seen my ebook yet, please take a look....it's $3.99 here..and free if you're part of the Kindle Library. Reviews when you click on the book icon to the right or at Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007g9X19A.. Also, would you like to join my merry band of subscribers? (also to the right)) So last week's post dealt with my own version of Ghost Stories--Infertility Style. But you really do hear a lot of infertility horror stories... almost entirely from, by the way, people who have never dealt with infertility and haven't a clue what they're talking about.

Somehow, you never hear the tragic report directly from the person who's gone through the traumatic experience. They're from her sister's best friend... or her nephew's second cousin...or her neighbor down the block--not the one who lives there now.. or the one who lived there before those people, but the one before that.

A lot of times, this poor unfortunate infertile woman who had some unnatural infertility disaster happen to her, lives all the way over THERE... in that other county... or two states away...or Nova Scotia. Or the tragedy happened in Serbia, but not now...when it was still Yugoslavia. I think one woman's uterus exploded right there on the examination table, or they put the needle in the wrong place during IUI and perforated her ear drum..One or the other...maybe both. Maybe her uterus exploded first, then they went ahead with the IUI anyway and the doctor was so shaken up she perforated her ear drum.

Then there was the one who had a psychotic reaction to Clomidin and started hallucinating and thought the pills were gummy bears and popped 40 of them. I'm sorry but I'm from New York City, the "Show Me" state (okay, I know that Missouri is the "Show Me" state and that NYC isn't even a state at all, but I thought it was politer to say: "Show me" instead of "Put up or Stop talking Sht!")

I'm serious. If you're going to pull some story out of thin air to scare the fudgicles out of us, I want proof. I mean if this lady's uterus exploded during the procedure, it must have been a mess. There must be cleaning people who would remember. What clinic was this in? I don't imagine that happens a lot there. They must all still be talking about it.

You're telling me a friend of your mother's had a baby with her own eggs at age 70? Wow! Where is this "miracle of science" woman? I'd like to invite her to tea. I want to know her secret to eternal ovarian youth. There are several possibilites, of course, of what's REALLY going on: a) She used a 25 year old egg donor and didn't see any reason to tell you about it, because, well, it's none of your business. b) She carried the baby for her daughter who couldn't and she's really the grandmother. c) Her daughter had the baby and she's raising it d) Your mother was just joking when she told you about her "friend" but it went over your head. And, the most likely possibility: e) There is no 70 year old woman and you just pulled the whole story out of your crack to get attention.

So, this Halloween season (and forever after), I beg you: Keep your finger on your "I doubt it!" button. I have yet to figure out why people make up or exaggerate infertility horror stories. I think they somehow just want to fit into the conversation or like to impress us with their vast knowledge of infertility experiences. Maybe it's to deflect the truth: They really know nothing about infertility or the whole idea freaks them out. Regardless....there are enough spooky infertility goblins to scare us without their tales from the darkside. So if somebody starts to tell you a story that seems to be heading down that dark, shadowy path, run! And if you can't run, just get your finger on that button and keep saying the mantra in your head: "I doubt it", "I doubt it", "I doubt it"...that's assuming you're too nice to chant: "Bull Sht" Bull Sht" "Bull Sht"