We went to a lovely New Year's Eve celebration downtown where they had a wall for everyone to fill in the blank: "This Year I Will..." My first thought was that a few people should have written: "This year I will... not selfishly hog the whole wall with my freakishly big handwriting."
I looked over the entries. They were all so noble. "This year I will... be kinder." "... be a better daughter." "...volunteer more." "...be more patient." I wondered. Did this wall bring out the real decency inside all of us? Or the politically correct us for public consumption? It was 3 in the afternoon. Would people write very different things after dark?: "This year I will... try not to kill my husband every time he watches the neighbor mow the lawn in her tank top." "This year I will... give my two weeks notice at work both verbally and with hand gestures." "This year I will... lose weight even if it means lopping off a limb."
Do we not put goals with deep personal meaning on a wall like that because we're not ready to face our goals up there, big as life? Does that mean, there's no turning back? Or do we just not want to share our innermost goals with anyone-- even anonymously?
So what about this: "This year I will... get pregnant"? Is that an actual, valid goal?
I don't think so. Not being negative here. Are you kidding? I believe in everything. By all means, put notes up everywhere: On your mirror, by your bed, in your wallet: "I will be pregnant in 2017!" Or: "I'm pregnant!" and visualize all the details of a positive pregnancy test over and over again and how you're going to tell your family and friends and everybody congratulating you. Looking at those notes over the next several weeks and months is the part we can control. The rest, leave to the Universe, God, your subconscious or whatever else you believe in to work out the specifics for you.
I think the mistake a lot of us make is to make it a New Year's Resolution: "This year I will... get pregnant." So, what are you saying? Last year you weren't really trying? You just thought 2017 would look nicer on a birth certificate so you didn't give this conception thing your all in 2016? I don't know. Sounds kind of like a stressful, totally overwhelming goal to me. Why can't we just set goals that are more doable on a daily basis? Ones that actually have a simple action attached to it? "This year I will... try a new doctor. (Okay, so this afternoon I'll ask a friend I met on the support site if she likes her doctor or call one in my area and see how I feel talking to them on the phone.") "This year I will... start the adoption process." (Let me read up on it.) "This year I will... look into an egg donor. "This year I will... raise money for IVF." These are all things you can physically set out to accomplish. It just feels a lot more manageable than this mess: "This year I will... get pregnant." What? How?
"We've been trying for three years. This has to be the year! We're the only couple in our group of friends who doesn't have a baby. My parents are the only ones who aren't grandparents! I just can't go to another baby shower for someone else. It's my turn to have the baby shower already! The names I picked out aren't even in style anymore. I've said them over and over in my head so many times, even I don't like them anymore!"
Believe me, I know it's tempting to make: "This Year I Will... Get Pregnant!" as a resolution. But if we make that as a resolution, we should also make another one: "This year I will... move into a mental institution." Whatever happens with the first resolution, we should achieve that second one by March, April at the latest.
(Happy New Year and Thanks for stopping by! If you'd like more laughs at infertility's expense, please consider subscribing to my newsletter and/or looking at my little eBook above. It's been downloaded by thousands of infertility sufferers and professionals and has an average 4.5 stars from 63 reviews. What happened to that last 1/2 star, I couldn't tell ya. http://laughingisconceivable.com)