It's impossible to talk to an infertile woman without getting exasperated: ANYTHING can trigger our sadness or negative thoughts and feelings. I,for one, was always a ticking emotional time bomb. The only times I wasn't ticking was when I actually exploded all over somebody. Then I reset the timer.
It really doesn't take much to set an infertile woman off.
And the closer you are to us, the more you're in trouble. Spouses have no chance at all with an infertile woman. Sometimes we're so stuck in our own heads and what we're going through, we don't even want to look at our spouses and there's probably a million times they'd rather not listen to us.
But we won't tell him to get lost. We need his affection. We need his support. We need his sperm.
And he won't tell us to get lost... I have absolutely no idea why.
And he or she is not the only one who has the privilege of having disturbing, bizarre, hormone drug-induced chats with us.
Anyone who made the mistake of entering my web during one of my frequent spontaneous, anxiety-ridden, hormone-induced moments was fair game. Even the sixteen year old drive-thru cashier at McDonald's.
Even through the intercom and my driver's side window that barely opens, this poor girl could see that I wasn't "right".
"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
"Yes, Hi. I'd like a six piece McNuggets meal with a large Coke please."
"Is that for a girl or a boy?"
"No, I don't want the kid's meal. Do you see any kids in my car?"
"I'm sorry, Ma'am. I can't see into your car. It's just a microphone."
"Not everybody has kids you know. Some people just choose not to have kids, young lady. Some people aren't ready to have kids. Some people try and try over and over and over and think about nothing else but STILL can't have kids! In fact, you happen to be talking to an infertile woman right now! Do you just assume because I'm a woman that I have kids?! Do you?!"
"No Ma'am. It's just that usually when people order a six piece McNuggets meal they want the kid's meal. The regular extra value meal comes with ten pieces... but you can get it with six... if you want medium fries and no toy."
"No, you'd better give me the kids' meal. I deserve a toy. I need a toy... And, (sniff sniff boo hoo) could I have extra napkins please?"
"That'll be $5.62. Next window please. Have a... nice... day." Her voice trailed off. She didn't bother to ask me the standard: "Will that be all?" Clearly she was afraid of the answer.
As I approached, I tried to time it so I could shove a few words of apology in her face between automatic window openings and closings as she took my money and gave me my change .
"So sorry! Didn't mean to yell! Having a bad day! I'm-an-infertile-woman! My last cycle..." At that point she had the presence of mind to let the window close and walk away- I imagine to alert the young gentleman at the next window who was about to issue me my "Happy" meal. As I rolled over, he asked innocently:
"Was that Happy Meal for a boy or a girl?"
And there was the girl from the first window standing behind him with a look on her face that looked like what I think my face looks like every time I see the twins in The Shining, saying through clenched teeth: "Just give her a toy. Any toy."
(Thanks for stopping by! If you'd like more laughs at infertility's expense, please take a look at my eBook by clicking the book cover icon above or returning to the home page here: http://laughingisconceivable.com. Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman's Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility. Downloaded by thousands of infertility patients, partners, families, friends & medical teams.)