Sorry for the late post. Better late than never I guess. No matter what: The blog must go on. I guess it doesn't have to. (Start with "Tuesday" if you can... or I'll blab about every sordid detail from American Idol last night. Gee, I hope you didn't tape it.)
And if you like what you read, become a subscriber. You get the inside dish on the seedier side of Laughing IS Conceivable (okay, the blog IS the seedier side). There will also be some good subscriber offers down the line.
Also, read Kevin Haney's article: "Bad Enough I Have to Go Through Infertility Treatments, Now You Want Me to Pay For Them Too?" He gives some amazing ins and outs of infertility treatment-related insurance and taxes. http://laughingisconceivable.com/?page_id=1671
So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday made me reflect on the things we as the infertile have to overcome.
What do we want to overcome? Agonizing over infertility decisions! When do we want to overcome it?! Now!
A major issue I think we've all grappled with is: If and when to move on. When do you know you've done enough and you're ready to throw in the IVF towel?
Infertility treatments are addictive. They're like M & M's. You have one. You want more.
With infertility treatments, you just hang on, even if you've been through it twelve times before. Maybe the next time will be THE time. (Just like M & M's. The 86th one may be the one that makes you vomit, but it's a risk worth taking.)
And if this doctor tells you it's probably time to call it quits, there are other doctors out there... lots of them. And if your parents tell you it's time to give up...who ever listens to them anyway? Their dog doesn't even listen to them.
And if you listen to your best friend...well she's the same fool who told you you'd get pregnant if you went on vacation and drank plenty of cranberry juice because she was confusing infertility with a bladder infection. So she has no credibility.
And if you go on infertility support forums, you might get advice from ten women who are also drugged up on hormones, lack of restful sleep, stressed out, and broke like you are. None of us is in any shape to give advice on this matter. I mean, comeon, at this stage in our lives, do we look like a reliable group? We're a messy heap.
So of course the answer is: There is no right answer. The answer is up to you and the guy you're sleeping with (I'm going to assume that's your husband/partner. But I don't want to be presumptuous....I really don't know who the hell he/she is. As long as you do, it's fine I guess...)
The only way to overcome this indecision-making is to try to look at the whole thing objectively. Okay, that's impossible. You've been needled, stuck, and hormoned to death.
But somehow you have to jump out of it. Let's do that ridiculous job-interview question that makes me retch mid-interview. Shall we?
"Where do you see yourself in five years?" (I always want to look at the interviewer and say: "Living in your house and looking out the window, watching you mow my lawn, you bastard.")
Would you be okay without a baby? Of course you would. But what would your life be like? Would you consider adoption? Would you become a Psychologist to counsel others in this situation? Would you just leave it and move on?
So, whom do you listen to? You listen to you. Not the high on Gonal-F, anxiety-ridden, hair- falling-out- from- nerves, sitting-on- the- couch- for- two-days-in-a- donut-induced-depressive funk, you. The real you. See if you can put the infertile nutjob aside for a minute and talk to the real heart and soul. Trust me: That nutjob doesn't know what the hell she's talking about.
Listen, I gotta go. I'm having more dental work done later, so I'd better make the rounds of the drive-thru's now, just in case I can't eat for a couple of months.
I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.