For a long time I had been pondering (call it plotting if you'd rather) how and when to get back at all of our neighbors who, every time they see us, casually grill us infertiles like a burger on Memorial Day weekend. "So, are you trying to have a baby?"
"You've been married for a while, don't you want kids?"
"Maybe you just need to go away and relax. My cousin's a travel agent. I bet she could get you a great deal to Cancun. I can call her and tell her your situation."
"Don't you like kids?"
"You probably shouldn't be waiting this long to have a baby. I mean, you are nearing 35."
"You're not going for those treatments are you? I mean if it's not meant to be..."
So, I thought, when better than Memorial Day weekend to return the favor? Have a few neighborhood friends over and sear their asses to the barbecue...then wedge a spatula under them, flip 'em over... and do their other side.
I mean, they're so interested in what goes on on the other side of the front door at our house, (not to imply I've ever pinned my husband to the foyer floor...hmmm....) I thought maybe I should question them on some of the goings on over at their houses for a change.
I mean...it's the only polite thing to do... I wouldn't want them to think I was an uncaring neighbor.
So I talked about BJ and the pizza delivery guy...To the rest of us, he only delivered until 10Pm but BJ apparently got delivery until 10 AM. and then there were others and their plastic surgeries etc etc...
And WOW! How cathartic it was for me. It was great getting all that venting off my chest. Of course I know all about the benefits of regular exercise. I just never realized you could actually drop a bra size just by typing vigorously.
But unfortunately, as always with these get-togethers, like my GrillFest 2011, someone always gets left out, inadvertently left off the guest list. I really don't want any regrets or hard feelings because I didn't give any of my neighbors the attention they truly truly TRULY deserve.
I could never live with myself... (And, not to brag, but I really could stand to drop another letter off my cup size...I know my neck and back would breathe a sigh of relief...can't speak for my husband.)
So, I'm dedicating this week to the Memorial Day Weekend leftovers: Neighbors? Or half empty slobbered on by double-dippers bag of potato chips?...You decide.
Either way...Feel free to wrap them up and take them home with you. I have no use for either of them.
Listen, I gotta go change names to protect the innocent...wait..there are no innocent...
I'll talk with ya again tomorrow.
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