Continuing with our series: "If You KNEW You Would be pregnant tomorrow, what would you say..." (Check out the first 2 blog posts: "...What would you say... to your doctor?" and "... to your friends" (specifically friends with kids who have irritated you, upset you, depressed you, and angered you no end throughout your infertility struggles. http://laughingisconceivable.com)) So now, how about your family?
You know, those people you've known your whole life who have known you your whole life and love you and support you unconditionally and are intimately familiar with where every single one of your buttons is located and exactly how to push each one to irk you until you feel like beating them down with a stick? Yeah, those people.
So fast forward to the good stuff. That moment when you somehow through sorcery, a wink from the middle star in Orion's belt in the night sky, a prediction by Michael Moore, reading your horoscope, the Farmer's Almanac or via any other reliable source that you were absolutely, positively going to be pregnant tomorrow and happily done with infertility forever . What would you say to those people?
Specifically, what would you say to that person, whether it be your mother, sister, mother-in-law, sister-in-law or third cousin twice removed on your father's side? That one person who dramatically takes a deep breath, implying that this is going to be hard for them to say and then somehow always manages to summon up the courage to start every stinking sentence with: "I know this is none of my business BUT..."
"...have you been to a doctor?"
"...have you tried eating soy?"
"...don't you want to have kids?"
"...maybe it's your husband's fault."
"...it's because you're not relaxed enough."
"...how are you paying for all of this?"
"...how can you take so much time off from work?"
"...maybe it's just not meant to be."
"...you can always adopt."
"...why don't you adopt from this Country?"
"...your cousin has 3 kids and she got married after you."
"...your husband already has a child. Isn't that good enough?"
"...doesn't it bother you that your younger sister had kids before you?"
"...it's not right that you missed my baby shower. I'd be there for you."
So, now that you KNOW you're going to be pregnant tomorrow, you are at liberty to answer all of their somewhat heartfelt but mostly sphincterfelt concerns.
"Gather round everybody. I have two big announcements to make: 1) As you've probably already heard: Tomorrow I will be pregnant.
and 2) (This is where that same person (or people) in the family will interrupt.)
(Deep breath) "I know this is none of my business BUT...
"...how could you possibly know you're going to be pregnant tomorrow?"
"...is there a new blood test that can predict that?"
"...did Aunt Tilly come back and tell you?"
"...did you miss your cycle this month?"
"...do you mean there's a surrogate who's pregnant?"
"...did a doctor tell you that if..." (Your turn to interrupt.)
"As I was saying... And '2': You're absolutely right. It's none of your business."
And feel free to put in the adjective of your choice before the word "business".
(I know you're busy. I really appreciate you taking a moment to stop by. I hope, if you're going through infertility yourself, this made you smile once or twice. And if someone close to you is, I hope you feel you understand them a little bit better. Either way, I'd love if you'd consider taking a look at my little eBook. I was a professional stand-up comic for years and have written for a bunch of newspapers, magazines, blogs etc. This little eBook was written while I was going through my own struggles with infertility. (It's been downloaded by 1000s and has 4.5 stars/66 reviews.) Click the icon above or: https://www.amazon.com//dp/B007G9X19A. Also available on Nook and Kobo.... Thanks again! xox Lori)