How Infertile Women Should Deal with Pregnant Women

When you’re trying mightily to get pregnant, it just always seems like everyone around you is. Doesn’t it? (Especially nurses and teachers…I’ve always wondered about that.)

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My advice; Keep yourself from being sucked into the pregnancy merriment vortex of those around you: Your pregnant cousin, coworker, next door neighbor. Avoid these women at all costs. It's easier than explaining why you're not in any mood to be part of all of their giddy rituals and festivities.

The next door neighbor is the simplest to ditch. For me, it would be extremely easy not to talk to my neighbor for nine months. We've lived here for 12 years. Talk to them? Are you kidding? I couldn't pick out my next door neighbor in a three-person line-up. Like right now for instance. I just saw some teens running down the block and into the house across the street. I have no idea if they live there or are robbing it. I'll watch the news later and see if there's any mention. 

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So just plan your newspaper retrieval, moving of garbage cans and picking up of mail when the pregnant neighbor is not in view.  And if you see her coming during one of these tasks, just remember, you can probably out-run her.

One preggo down.

The cousin is also easily dismissed. All you need to do is avoid all family functions for nine months. Sounds impossible. More impossible than spending the holidays ducking behind poinsettia plants, blow-up reindeer or a menorah so that nobody will talk to you about how good your cousin looks or pry into what's going on in your ovaries? 

Of course if you don't attend the holiday festivities this year, those who do attend will spend all night talking about you and why you didn't attend. I'd be good with that. You know how people always say: "If you have something to say, say it to my face."? What for? Personally, I'd just as soon have them talk behind my back. Like Billy Joel says: "You can speak your mind. Just not on my time." 

Of course some do-gooder like your mom or your sister who was at the bash (a bash in every sense of the word) will be hitting your number on speed dial as she's backing out of the party house driveway to spill the tea. And, that, my dears is what call waiting is for: To pretend you have another call so you can politely hang up on somebody. Or, even better: Caller ID. So you don't have to answer it in the first place.

Two preggos down.

The third chick on the list is the hardest to ignore: The coworker. She sits just one thin-partitioned cubicle away. Not only does she spend all day searching for cute maternity crap online, she keeps calling other coworkers over to ask their opinion on it. And you have to hear all of it. You hear her being excited about everything and the parade of bored coworkers pretending to be excited for her. 

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Destroy something. Maybe an electrical outlet or a computer. Yeah, if something were broken in your cubicle, perhaps you could just pick up your plant and your photos and sashay over to that vacant one...way over there...on the other side of the wall nestled between the huge creaky copier and the white noise machine.

Or ear buds. Shove some invisible ear phones into your ears and listen to music. Maybe some club tunes or ‘80s metal bands. My mother's eighty year old cousin slips his hearing aid into his pocket whenever his sister starts talking.

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I know, there are those pregnant women who are close family or friends who want you to be involved in their baby showers etc. We’ll deal with them next week, I promise. Just please remember: Right now you're doing the infertility hokey-pokey... And "self-preservation"--That's what it's all about.

I truly appreciate you stopping by and I really hope you feel even just a little bit better than you did when you first got here. If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense, please check out my books at the link.

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Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman’s Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility

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